Sloppy Kisses

Self Pity

First off Thaddaeus is fine, more than fine...great! He's a blessing that I could have never imagined in having a boy.  He's vivacious, strong and so happy.

I sit here looking at his photos from birth to now and I still cannot believe all that he has gone through already in his five months of life. I sit here crying, but why? Mostly for him. The fact that I am once again preparing for his surgery (two months away), setting dates and appointments. I feel so happy and blessed to be his Mother but yet I ache for his struggles, his differences.

I am sick of people saying, "wow it's amazing what they can do!"
Why couldn't you've said, "wow what a beautiful little boy!" when he was born?
Or when people point out that his face looks so wonderful... it makes me ache. I know it looks great, but I loved my son the way he was, I want him to be cherished at all times not just when he looks "socially acceptable."

I am afraid that we aren't doing enough. I read other cleft blogs and I wonder if we should have some of things they are using for their children to better the scarring and healing process? When I accidentally spilled his "scar guard" and brought him in for more two weeks later, the surgeon said "Well I think we can just end it, it looks good."

"Wait! Didn't you say use for three months?" I didn't really get a response, but more like a runaround answer.

When I called last week to find out what our next steps are they said palette surgery anytime from September -December. Okay... should we come in? "Yes, about week before surgery."

I want to know if we should start solids (we kind of had) and whether or not his scare looks normal... I think it looks big and red...like a solid stripe from his nose to his lip... is that what it will look like? Why wasn't two little lines made? Is his nostril suppose to look that closed compared to his natural formed one?

I know what I need to do and it's go in and demand answers. I hate when they say..."Oh he'll most likely go home that afternoon after surgery!"

Kiss off he spent two days last time and there is no way I am taking a baby home right after surgery so I can play nurse and pretend to know what I am looking for or at, he'll stay until he can respond and eat... thank you very much.

Ugh this post turned from somber and pitiful to downright mad and disgruntle. No, my blog isn't on it's rag it just has an emotional author that is having a hard time really grasping onto the life that has been given to me.

Gabby and Family

I love these guys and was glad that we finally found a date that worked! The girls are so cute and busy..but that's what makes adorable photos! I wish I could post them all, but here's your sneak peek!

Hear Ye... Hear Ye

It's ten a.m. and Princess Riah has already changed her royal attire at least ten times. At Gymboree yesterday she found a tutu and immediately put it on, being the bad Mom that I am I gave in and bought the tutu. Besides Riah's love for it I knew I could use it for photo shoots as well. Since we purchased it yesterday, our sweet simple Riah has turned into sweet Princess Riah. When people commented yesterday on how pretty she was as a ballerina she quickly corrected them with, "I a PRINCESS!"

Wearing the tutu just as a bottom is completely overrated and Riah has taken on multiple looks, shirt, skirt and headpiece paired with peep toe heels or tennis shoes for "Sporty Princess."

Life is never dull.

Four for Four Months

Mary, Mary quite contrary...

This year is the first year of my Minneapolis living that I have planted a vegetable garden. I also planted flowers but pulling dinner right out of your backyard is much more interesting and fun!

I started small, the basics, we are renting so digging up an acceptable sized garden was out of the questions so Prince built me a 4x6 box.

Here's the proof:

Riah 1-10

1. Have lots of fun with your REALLY cute playdate.

2. Share a romantic, yet casual dinner of fruit and cheese wraps.

3. Run through the sprinkler attempting to rid self of the pounds of playbox sand embedded in hair.

4. Wonder how Mom will get all this sand out of my hair... (all that white stuff is sand crusted on her scalp!)

5. Return home in extreme rain and get soaked running to the house...bath number 2.
6. Look extremely tired and ask for a nap.
7. Don't nap...but smear poop all over hardwood floors with feet and then lay on floor reading books.
8. Act like you don't know what's going on when Mom opens the door from your "so called nap" and finds feces crusted on the floor and your feet.
9. Take bath number 3 after having to help Mom clean up poop.
10. Refuse food because you want "J" to eat with you and no one else at the little white table.

P.s I love my job

P.s.s. Thad has a cute new girlie friend too!

What is summer without strawberries?

Growing up my mother, for practical country reasons like canning and freezing, would take my brother and I strawberry picking. Back then we'd load up the back of the old Buick with at least fifteen ice cream buckets that were overflowing with berries. I have a love/hate relationship with things that remind of my childhood. I love the idea and concept of doing these things with Riah, but when the act occurs I am quickly reminded why I sometimes hate them. For example, the actual act of picking the berries, my knees and back ache and my skin itches from the plants. But then I looked at Riah swaying back and forth excitedly exclaiming that her berries were "tasty," and wanting everyone to "try it, it good!" I knew I was starting traditions with her that will hopefully last a lifetime, even though sometimes less desirable.
I want my kids to understand that berries don't come from Lunds or Cub Foods, but that an actual farmer grows them and works hard for them. I want them to experience things I did, so thats why slowly I am transforming them into country bumpkins with an urbarn flair! I started my own garden this year in a box that Prince built for me . I love that Riah walks up to my tomato plants and already knows when one is ripe and whether to pick it or not...whether it makes it in the house before she eats it is another story! I love that each morning she reminds me that the flowers need water and the lettuce needs to be picked. She's a city girl with a thing for barns, cows and gardens and it makes me smile. Here are few pictures from our venture to Anoka to Berry Hill Farms.

Michael and Danielle

My first engagement session and I could not have asked for a more beautiful couple to shoot! Thanks for a great time I cannot wait for the wedding. I hope you love the pictures.
This is just a sneak peek as a render the rest of the images.